My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
