Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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