I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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