he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
