I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
