we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
