Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
