I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
