I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
