She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
