it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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