Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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