Sponge bath it is.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
