im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
