ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
