i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She announced her abortion via fbk
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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