"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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