whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
