my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
