Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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