I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
