sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
