DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
