make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
