just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
