I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
