Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
