I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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