That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
