i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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