In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
