By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
