Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
