How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
