He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
