ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
