So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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