I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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