She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
