how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
