...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
