we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
