i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
