So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
