it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
