I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
