Plan B is the new Plan A
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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