You can't motorboat a personality
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
