So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
