I must be too annoying 4 u.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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