i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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